When I finally told him I loved him

I wished he had asked me

when did it exactly happen ?

What day ?

What hour ?

What was I wearing ?

What was he wearing ?

Was it just a passing feeling ?

Was it real ?

What made me fall for him ?

Was it his smile ?

Was it the way he acts ?

What made me confess it to him ?

I wanted him to ask me about every little small detail others would ignore

Because I wanted him to know that

My love for him was deeper than the deepest ocean

I wanted him to know that

I’ve never fallen in love with someone the way I did for him

But he didn’t ask

Because love knew everything

Love knew every detail

Every feeling

Every idea

Love knew that I have felt in love with him before I even realised it

They say love lasts forever if it’s real

But I say Love lasts if it’s built on pure love itself

And that’s exactly why I’ve fallen in love with him

Because love gave me butterflies everytime we met

Love made feel so special

Love made me the reason of his existence

Love made me the core of his sculpture

Love was my haven

And I was his heaven

Love cheered me up every day

And I was love’s pride

Love and I thought that we would last forever

Love and I didn’t believe in DEATH

Until my phone rang on that bleak rainy morning

My heart broke

My life flashes back

Don’t worry

Love is still alive

But his heart ain’t anymore

Love left without any goodbye

Love left before our marriage

Love left without hearing me say I LOVE YOU once again

Love is in a happy place

Love didn’t want to go

But that bullet did want him more than I did

Maybe my love isn’t here anymore

Maybe my love and I didn’t age together

But our love will

Our love will never fade

Because our love will definetly last forever .









M – A – Y – B – E

Five letters that will turn your life into hell

A simple maybe

A simple word

A simple thought

That leaves you in an unsolved labirynth

But deep down I knew you’ve already felt deeply in love with me

And I also was so sure about it

Deep down I’ve melt a million times in front of you

Deep down I’ve loved you more than anything else in this world

Your ocean sparkly eyes

Were keeping me alive

They were my guide

My hope

My fire

You were a piece of art

You were my museum

My national anthem

My haven

And everytime I saw you

My heart beat fast

My throat got soar

Words couldn’t  get out of my mouth

And I almost felt paralysed

Everything twisted around me

I heard every clock ticking

I felt every sweat drop running down my neck

I’ve already planned everything out

I’ve already got everything perfectly prepared

But then I realised that you don’t even know about my existence

My dreams crashed into millions of pieces  in a second

And they simply turned into dust

Love have always been there 

But you didn’t pay attention to it 

Love disappeared for years and years 

But then it suddenly reappeared 

And you still haven’t paid attention to it 

And I barely recognized it 

Because love has changed a lot

Maybe we’re not meant for each other

Maybe it’s not the right timing

Maybe what the future is holding for us is bigger than this thought

Maybe what the future is holding for us is brighter than this word

Maybe what the future is holding for us is stronger than this MAYBE

But what am I after all





Maybe you are my summertime saddness

Maybe it’s just in my mind

Maybe it’s just a passing feeling

I see beauty

I see humour

And I see LOVE

I see jealousy

But I don’t see hatred

Hope was our tour guide on the moon

And you were my keeping alive oxygene

But I knew my oxygene wouldn’t last forever

And I was afraid of death

We were not romeo and juliette

You weren’t my boo

Nor my honey

Because you were  my home, my hymn, my identity,

We don’t believe in the ” I love you’s ”

Because we have the I’ll live for you

Words are useless when it comes to describing you

Because you come from heaven and I am your server

You know that they don’t like me

But you love the black beauty

And I love liquor

We define each other

You’re my heroin

Except you don’t kill

You’re my favorite star in my darckest days

And I’m your morphine

When I’m no longer young and beautiful

Please do not forget about me

Because we’ll love each other again

Not in this world

But in my dark paradise .








I m fat





Nobody loves me

I have no friends

And I try to satisfy others more than I do try to satisfy myself

I try to look as strong as I could

But in reality

I am the weakest

I get hurt easily

I am never satisfied with who I am

And I m always blamed for things I didn’t do

I am depressed

Hated by others and everyone

And all of my friends are fake

I am probably if not definitely never gonna find a real friend

I feel hurt

but I don’t know what is wrong with me

I always blame myself for things that others did to me

Whilst they’re the ones who should be in that position

Maybe perfection isn’t the key for happiness

Perfection distroyed my life

Perfection is a storm of sadness

Prefection is a knife that will end your life .












Living in a body of an 18 years old girl

But thinking as a 40 years old lady

That’s what life have put me through  already

Lots of problems

Lots of pain

Less laughter

Lots of stress

Who thought that a small body of an 18 years old teenager

Can actually survive in this world full of monsters

Less kilos

Lots of boys

Less clothes

Lots of skin

Less love

Lots of hatred

Less realism

Lots of makeup

Less truth

Lots of hoes and fake friends

Less dignity

Lots  of money

Who thought that everything will turn from a white world full of angels

Into a world full of terrorism

A world full of  hypocriticism

A world where you can trust nobody but yourself

Under a sky full of millions of stars

I just sat hoping someone was listening to me

Just someone I can trust

Just someone that cheriches me the way I am with all my imperfections

Just someone that doesn’t want anything back from me

But there was no listener

And no response

So I closed my eyes

And I believed in myself

Deep down I believed that the other world will be better

The other world will be full of peace

And I strongly believed that the other world will be full of love

Because that’s what we lack

And that’s definetly what we need .








At the age of 10,

I was bullied,

Because I was different

At the age of 11,

I was bullied because I didn’t have a boyfriend

And every girl I knew had one

While I didn’t want one

Because no girl in this world needs a man to be successful

At the age of 12,

I was bullied because I didn’t wear a scarf

And I was bullied because for boys I wasn’t as easy to get as the other girls

At the age of 13,

I was still bullied because I was the best student, the perfect student

And I was pretty much successful relatively to others

At the age of 14,

I was bullied by the closest people to me

I was bullied by the person I used to call my best friend

I was hated by everyone because I had different ideas

because I had different thoughts and beliefs

At that same age they bullied me because of weight while I had the perfect size for a 14  years old girl

But all they thought about was getting too skinny to attract boys

At the age of 15,

I was bullied again by the same people

By the same friends by the same bestfriend

Staying with the same friends or people wasn’t my choice

But it was my last chance to feel sociable

Because we’re humans after all and we need to satisfy this need

I was bullied because I was serious, honest and successfull





Were part of my night routine

Although it felt so wrong

Family’s support  wasn’t and will never be enough

At the age of 16,

I was once again bullied

Because why not I got used to it

Hatred, jealousy and bullying,

That’s what my friends had to give me

And then at the age of 17,

When I finally thought that it was finally time to move on

To have friends

To see the real life

Although I wish I didn’t think about that

Nothing changed and everyone still hate me

But it was finally my turn to hate people

The ammount of hatred and negative comments I recieved every single day for the past seven years

Define me

That’s my identity

That’s my motto

They try break my long feathered wings

But they just can’t

The thing about bullying is that it will probably never end

Because people will hate you

Because you’re simply better than them

People will try to kill you because you got that chance that they didn’t get

This is what people can produce

People will see the smallest unperfect things in you and then judge and bully you

The good thing about this, is that bullying can either make you the strongest person in the uneverse

Or the weakest person that will probably end up commiting a suicide

But in my case it turned out to be a positive experience

I am the strongest confident, independent woman you’ll ever meet

Even if you still hate me

You’ll keep looking at me getting successfull

And YES just keep looking at me achieving my goals

Please just keep watching and cheering me up with all your negative comments

Because I’ll keep moving and moving and you’ll always hate me

Because I am important






As I stood in front of you

Your eyes have already passed through my long sleeved muslim clothes

Your eyes have already seen everything I tried to hide under that scarf

Your eyes have already been thrown on my body

I felt a little unconfortable

I felt a little ashamed

And then all of a sudden

I felt paralysed in your looks

I felt dizzy

It feels like everything has stoped

And the globe is turning around me

It’s like if you were my drug

But I just didn’t enjoy it that much

My throat starts burning a little and then I realised that

Your eyes were a knife that cut my throat little by little

It felt like I was your favorite book

You enjoyed every word you have read

Except there were no words and no book

But my body

And you have already photographed every part of it

Without my permission

But permission meant nothing in your dictionary

I was a sculpture every men has loved to observe for hours and hours,

But still not get bored of

But you just had the pleasure reading my body

You just had the pleasure breaking all those barriers I have been building

You’re just another unknown seeking pleasure

And I still do not enjoy it

But after all I understood what ” women must hide every part and inch of  there bodies and hair ” means

Then I understood what ” cover your body ” means

And I finally understood what freedoom means.




Dear girls,

As a girl I understand that you might be thinking about your future prince

But please don’t wait for him and don’t waste your precious time on that

He will come on the right moment if it’s meant to happen

Dear fuck girls,

If you think that a guy is interested in you

Don’t be a player and play with his emotions

And then blame it on him because he left

And most importantly don’t be a gold digger

Be honest and make up your mind and emotions

Dear innocent girls,

Don’t let them ignorant fuckboys play with your emotions and give up and be a sex doll

Dear unconfident girls,

If you think that if you wear a mini skirt,

Get tattoes,


Got drunk will make you look cool

And boys will get attracted to you

Then you’re fucking wrong about that

If you think that if you get skinny,

Get bigger boobs,

Or bigger hips

Every men will love you

Then you’re still wrong

Why do you have to follow beauty standards just to please a man who’s gonna use you and then forget about you right after enjoying the sex’s pleasure

Why don’t you get up instead and get yourself well educated and get yourself a job

Dear girls all I want from you is not to ruin females image

Because the more you get used to being used the more problems WE will face

And then there will be no coming back






Dear boys,

We girls do not wait for you to come to make our life better

Because we already have a great one

Dear fuckboys,

Our vaginas were not made by God just for you to fuck it

But it actually was made to give birth to your future loved child so please be respectfull

And we’re defenitely not your sex dolls

Dear boys,

If you think that we girls are waiting for you then you’re surely wrong

Because we already have tons of homework to do

So please get that into your mind and go get yourself a life

Dear understanding boys,

Don’t get disgusted when a girl says that she’s on her period

Because your mom is on one too

Dear boys,

Please don’t underestimate me and think that I’m defending girls because I belong to the women part of the society

But all I’m trying to say is that I want you ,boys future men of this world, to rethink about the way you see girls ,future women of this world A.K.A future mothers of your children .




Life was never good to anyone or was it ??!!

They say the more you live the more you learn

But till now I haven’t found something interesting to strive and thrive for

Except studying and killing myself to be one of the top best students

Which can literally lead to depression and crying in the night like a freacking weird psychopath

Well they say that you have to cry over the things you love

You   have to struggle to earn these things

But what if you don’t love what you’re striving for

But still have to work hard to get it

What  if the thing you love the most is the thing that’ll hurt you the most

What if the things you love the most lead you to DEATH

What if you’re running over the wrong thing

What if life was just a lie

What if everything we see

Everything we touch

And everything we love was just in our minds and did not even exist

Have you ever questionned yourself

If you were dreaming of all of this

And that one day you’ll have to wake up not seing any of these imaginary stories you have dreamt of

Have you ever questionned yourself

If what you want right now is really what you want or just what the others want to see you doing

What if what you call now LOVE was HATRED in another world

What if everything  you’re living now was just another fairytale a mom is telling to her daughter before sleeping

What if your worst nightmare was real

And what if all of these  words you have just read were just in my mind, not written

And you’re just an unknown reading my mind

What if all your beliefs were lies

What if your life was just another story people will be reading in a book one day

Why do we not doubt every step we take

Every decision we make

You  have one life

And you are going to live it once

So be carefull .